The sorry tale of the chocolate monkey

Once upon a time there was a chocolate monkey that cleverly disguised himself as a girl in a purple dress and lilac wellies, in order not to be eaten.

The chocolate monkey (cleverly disguised as a girl in a purple dress and lilac wellies) had been running away from hungry children and chocoholic ducks for so long that he decided his best chance of survival (and a rest!) would be to climb to the very top of England's highest waterfall, where the hungry children could not reach him, and where even the ravenous chocoholic ducks dare not fly for fear of buzzards.

So, off to Canonteign Falls the chocolate monkey skipped (quite a feat in wellies, even for a monkey, let me tell you). The waterfall was very high - a good 220 feet which is at least double that in monkey feet. Triple if the monkey is wearing lilac wellies as this chocolate monkey was.

The chocolate monkey (cleverly disguised as a girl in a purple dress and lilac wellies) eventually made it to the top of the waterfall and was as pleased as pineapple punch served in a pumpkin pepper-pot! The view was spectacular from the top and such was the chocolate monkey's sense of accomplishment on this gorgeously sunny day, he decided that he would go back down to the bottom of the falls and, being cleverly disguised as a girl in a purple dress and lilac wellies, he would attempt to convert the chocoholic ducks from chocolate to Devonshire cream teas.

At the bottom of the falls, the chocolate monkey (cleverly disguised as a girl in a purple dress and lilac wellies) carefully selected a sitting spot with a good escape route, and a plump and tasty scone, and sat down to show the chocoholic ducks just how good a cream tea could be.

One by one the chocoholic ducks realised that chocolate had nothing on a Devonshire cream tea. Chocolate melts in the sun and in your wing-pocket and they quite often had issues with their beaks getting all sticky and messy when they tried to eat it (they have no tongue with which to lick their beaks you see). Scones, on the other hand, broke apart quite easily and were quickly downed with no mess and no fuss. The chocoholic ducks renounced their chocoholicness and cried "huzzah!" in duck-speak for their new found addiction!

The chocolate monkey (cleverly disguised as a girl in a purple dress and lilac wellies) was well 'appy! She and the ducks danced around their scone crumbs in a turbulent torrent of excited glee and were so completely absorbed in their combined happiness and future plans for scone-worshipping ceremonies that none of them noticed the very rare, but very deadly* cocoa-and-duck-eating pirate swan creeping up behind them... Alas, cocoa-and-duck-eating pirate swans are renowned for being able to see through purple dresses and lilac wellies and so knew immediately that the girl thus dressed was not a girl at all! With his long and super bendy neck, the cocoa-and-duck-eating pirate swan quickly lassoed the sconeoholic ducks and the chocolate monkey before they could say "take us to Johnny Depp, we demand the right of parlay!" and thus our heroic chocolate monkey was no more.

*The cocoa-and-duck-eating pirate swan is, of course, only considered deadly by those creatures made out of chocolate, or duck. The cocoa-and-duck-eating pirate swan's deadliness increases tenfold if it happens to stumble across both it's forms of prey in the one setting... If this happens, not even a chocolate-smudged feather will remain...

The End.